WTF Rating- 5
Writing Rating- 3
Overall Rating- 3.5 out of 5 Stars
Yes. Yes you read that title right. Welcome back to my foray in the world of Bizarro Literature. I’ve given you all quite a break since my review way back when with “Shatnerquake”. I wanted to reel you all in before I started to get REAL wacky! Lol! So, I will start with a warning… Those who are easily offended or grossed out, those who don’t like very graphically inappropriate scenes… THIS BOOK IS NOT FOR YOU!! But, if you want a good laugh, a VERY interesting concept and you don’t need things to be incredibly logical… Or at all logical.. WELCOME!
Synopsis
It’s difficult to love a woman whose vagina is a gateway to the world of the dead.
Steve is madly in love with his eccentric girlfriend, Stacy. Unfortunately, their sex life has been suffering as of late, because Steve is worried about the odd noises that have been coming from Stacy’s pubic region. She says that her vagina is haunted. She doesn’t think it’s that big of a deal. Steve, on the other hand, completely disagrees.
When a living corpse climbs out of her during an awkward night of sex, Stacy learns that her vagina is actually a doorway to another world. She persuades Steve to climb inside of her to explore this strange new place. But once inside, Steve finds it difficult to return… especially once he meets an oddly attractive woman named Fig, who lives within the lonely haunted world between Stacy’s legs.
Again. Yes. You read that right. This is a book about a woman who has a gateway to another world in her vagina, and she would like her boyfriend to climb up there and explore in for her. This is NOT a euphemism! I mean she wants him to unclothe, lube up, and crawl in there to find out what is haunting her womb. Didn’t I warn you that if you’re easily grossed out you may not want to read this?? How many ladies out there are crossing their legs right at this moment?? 😉
Excerpt
“Where the heck are those noises coming from?” I asked Stacy one evening. She blinked herself awake. “Huh?”
“I hear voices. Coming from the walls,” I said.
“Oh . . .” she said.
“I’m serious,” I said.
“That’s not coming from the walls,” she said. “It’s coming from me.” “From you?”
“From inside me,” she said, pulling off the covers and pointing at her crotch. I snorted at her.
“Listen,” she said, pulling my head into her lap and pressing my ear against her vagina.
It was like listening to the ocean in a hairy flesh seashell.
“You’re playing!” I said.
She giggled. It was all a joke.
But then I heard it . . . A voice, inside of her. I couldn’t understand the words. A woman crying, babbling in a deranged language. Then she screamed into my ear and I jumped out from between Stacy’s legs.
My girlfriend laughed at me, squinting her dark brown eyes.
“What the hell!” I screamed.
“Told you!” she said.
“What is that?”
“A ghost,” she said.
“What!”
“I’m haunted,” she said, touching her vagina and smiling.
“How did a ghost get in there?”
“I don’t know,” she said. “It’s been in there for a long time now.”
I will say that Stacy is very unlikable. She is whiny and demanding and eats her food strangely, but that’s ok, because we really only need her for her vagina anyway! (wow, never going to be able to say THAT ONE ever again!)
There are definitely moments that had me laughing. Maybe all the time I’ve spent in the city had me thinking of similar things happening to me. Like the description of Donut, the angry homeless man.
“Donut happened to be the worst of them. He was a stocky black guy with a bright orange sweater who strolled around Pioneer Square. He wouldn’t ask me for change outright. First, he would ask me if I had a problem with black people. I would say no. He would then ask me for money. Then I would give it to him, as if that was proof that I truly did not have a problem with black people. He would follow me for a block and ask for a little more. I would give him whatever I had, even a dollar or two. Then he’d ask for a little more. If I ever refused him, he would call me a racist.
He’d say, “Oh, I see now, you’re a skinhead. Well, sieg heil, skinhead!” He’d continue yelling at me until I was two blocks away. “Sieg Heil! Sieg Heil!”
Now, I know that I rated this a 5 on the WTF meter… But, it’s actually a well put together story for Bizarro. There have been some that I’ve read that are so nonsensical that they’re trying TOO hard to be bizarre! (those who have read bizarro before will probably understand what I mean). This story was completely bizzare while actually making a strange amount of sense and building a pretty good story! I would really recommend it to those brave enough to branch out and give bizarro a chance!
For Those Brave Enough… Click a Link Below to get a Copy for Yourself!!! SERIOUSLY!! DO IT!!
The Haunted Vagina is Best Served With
A Wet Pussy Shot
Well, you’re lucky that I’m giving you the recipe for this drink… As I don’t know what the Google God’s would send you to if you tried to look it up. So, you’re welcome. Ha ha! That is, if you were brave enough to read this review to begin with and you haven’t un-followed me by now!!
Ingredients
- 1 Part Gin
- 1 Part Vodka
- 1 Part Peach Scnapps
- 1 Part Coconut Rum
- 1 Part Cranberry Juice
Directions
- Put all ingredients in a shaker of ice
- Shake to mix and chill well
- Pour into shot glasses
- CHEERS!!
OMG, my biography finally got published!
This one sounds a bit gimmicky for me as well.
Speaking of bizarro, have you read Philipp Roth’s The Breast?
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Ha ha! Well, at least this one has a proper story! (if you can call anything about this book “proper”) Lol! Some bizzaro is just COMPLETE nonsense! Or some is PURELY shock for shock value (have you ever read “Ass Goblins of Auschwitz??” I didn’t even think I could put up a review of that one… I would offend EVERYBODY!! And not even because of my opinions! Lol!) I haven’t read “the breast” is it any good?
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I haven’t read anything in the ass goblin series…i get intimidated by the hoity toity books…. The breast is about a man physically turning into a giant breast from his perspective. It’s very odd but well writen.
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Lol!! Well, maybe I’ll have to check it out!
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that. Is. Weird.
And the book is too 😀
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Ha ha ha!! It is DEFINITELY WEIRD. Pretty much the definition of bizarro. Lmao! It’s all shock for shock value.
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This sounds hilarious! I really want to read it now 😂
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You definitely won’t regret it…. Or maybe you will. Lol! You won’t know until you find out! It’s definitely an interesting genre to check out! 😄🍻
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LMAO.
Wow…. Welcome to the world of the weird and wonderful.
That was very thoughtful of you to put the drink recipe on here 😉
Maybe not a book I’d pick up (though my curiosity is piqued) but you definitely win for best review of the day. I don’t think anything’s gonna top this one today!
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Ha ha ha!!! I was hoping for a little shock for shock factor myself!! Glad I didn’t scare you away! If you’re going to traverse into the world of the Bizarro, this definitely isn’t a bad one to start with. It’s gratuitous and offensive, but it’s not as crazy as some of them get! If you want an even slightly tamer one might I recommend “Shatnerquake”?? That one was too funny!! Feel free to check out my review https://thebookwormdrinketh.com/2017/11/28/welcome-to-shatnerquake/ I actually meant to add the link to this review. Lol!
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Lol. I will check it out… Never can tell when you’ll be in the mood for the bizarre…
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Yeah I totally did a double take at the title haha! I guess this is better than her vagina having teeth…
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I WAS GOING TO MAKE A COMMENT ABOUT “TEETH”!!! HA HA HA!!! 😂😂😂 This book is far more comedic than teeth was… Lol!
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Whenever I was hit on by a creeper guy I would tell them my vagina had teeth lol. That movie was interesting… lol
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Interesting is DEFINITELY the word for it!! 😁🙈🙉🙊
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Yes, bizarro is a good word for it. This book sounds so weird! Ew. Ha ha.
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Ha ha!! Yes… Definitely not for tgose with delicate sensibilities…. Or ANY sensibilities really. 😉
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😀
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after reading Dr chuck Tingle : Handsome Sentient Food Pounds My Butt And Turns Me Gay: Eight Tales Of Hot Food.
Not even phased, I’ll have to check this one out.
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Ha ha ha!! Well, I’ll definitely have to check THAT one out! I understand though. After reading “ass goblins of Auschwitz” this one was definitely tame.
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HAHAHHA LMAO
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Haha wow this sounds interesting to say the least. Will certainly remember this one (+ the cocktail ) if I want to suprise my friends again 😃. ( The fools think I’m o so innocent)
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Ha ha ha! This would DEFINITELY show them! 😂😂 and the drink is REALLY GOOD!!! 🍻🍻 Like… DANGEROUSLY so!
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oeh now I definetly going to try the drink 😀 Just give me some time to collect all the various liquors
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Make sure you ply it on your friends!! I just made one for my mom!! (I kid you not) HA HA HA!!! Imagine asking your mom “excuse me mother… would you like a wet pussy??” (no, that is NOT how our conversation went!! I made the drink for her without telling her and then she was killing herself laughing and blushing when I told her what it was… she’s very shy and couldn’t believe her daughter would know such a brazen drink. Lol!!!)
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Hahahaha that’s definetly how I would have approached it as well. Never tell people about strange stuff before they’ve admitted to liking it.😆
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EXACTLY!!!
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I am thinking Carlton Merrick III has issues. 😉
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Really? Why would you EVER THINK THAT?? Only a man could come up with this premise though! Lol! The descriptions really had me crossing my legs. Ha ha!! 😂🍻
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Now I know to put my food and drink down before reading your posts, hahahaha!!. This world is full of wonders… but look at that cute girl on the cover, I bet it is Fig. Oh! btw, recently there have been a lot of drink related books on NetGalley and right away I think about you 😀 ❤
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Ha ha!! Well, you’ll have to read it to find out who’s on the cover!! Lol!! 😉 and I’ll have to check those netgalley books out… Although, I should PROBABLY read the ones that I have first!! 😂🍻
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I will never know~ . Reading the ones you have would be the wise to do, but… here are the names: Beer Hacks, Brewing Eclectic IPA, Drinking Like Ladies, Absinthe and The Brew Your Own Big Book of Clone Recipes. 😛
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O. M. G. I NEED DRINKING LIKE LADIES!! Lol!!! I’ve never learned how to do that!! Ha ha ha!!! 😂😂😂 I am totally putting in a request for that RIGHT NOW!! I love all of them, but I DEFINITELY need that one!!!
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OMG I’m dying! 😂🙈 I need to read this!
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Oh, PLEASE DO!! Ha ha!! It’s nothing if not entertaining!!!!
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I’ve just sent my husband the link to your post. He’s on a night shift with a bunch of blokes – thought they might enjoy a laugh. Might even suggest he buys it for the lols 😂
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It’s super cheap online for a paperback or ebook and only 100 pages!! DEFINITELY worth the time!! Lol!
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Omg😂 I swear I’ve never read a weirder synopsis😂😂😂 The shot looks really good, though😂
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Definitely and DEFINITELY!! LOL! 🍻💖😂
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Although… Hold your comments until I travel deeper into the Bizarro world… You ain’t seen nothing yet! 😉👍😋💖
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Lol can’t wait to read what’s weirder than this😂😂😂
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… Be careful what you wish for!! 😉😉
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What the.. hahahah This is ludicrous on so many level. Reminds me of one of those horror stories where a woman’s vagina has teeth. And that’s a very adequate drink to go alongside this story. 🤣
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H ha ha!! I absolutely thought about “Teeth” as well! This one is definitely more humorous though. The drink is DEFINITELY worth the time. Lol! I’ve actually had them 2 days in a row! 😁👍💖🍻
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Half of me wants to read this and the other half wants to run as fast I can in the other direction! 😏
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Ha ha ha!! Well, I can’t fault you for that!! It’s definitely a strange one. It was good though!! … After I could uncross my legs that is! 😂😉
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Okay… who wouldn’t read the book with this name?
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EXACTLY!! Ha ha ha!! You just have to figure out… WHY??
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If this is some twisted tale about teeth or moths that attack. Between a line in Father Figure about this and the images the title conjures up… three drinks before I can take it on.
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Ha ha ha ha!!! Oh the teeth!! I’ll never get that one out of my brain! That’s the 1st thing I thought of too! No teeth. Just a gateway she gets her boyfriend to lube up and crawl into… All perfectly natural! 😉
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Totally. Beautiful imagery in that story. .
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BTW, my comment about teeth is in reference to he TV show Scream Queens where a characters says almost those exact lines.
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Well, she got it because of a movie called “teeth”…. I don’t think I have to describe what the movie is about… You hit the nail pretty much right on the head! … Or the vagina??
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Queue the drums!
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this really made me smile ,,just wouldnt stop loughing ,
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Ha ha! Thanks for checking it out!
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