The Haunted Vagina

WTF Rating- 5

Writing Rating- 3

Overall Rating- 3.5 out of 5 Stars

Yes. Yes you read that title right. Welcome back to my foray in the world of Bizarro Literature. I’ve given you all quite a break since my review way back when with “Shatnerquake”. I wanted to reel you all in before I started to get REAL wacky! Lol! So, I will start with a warning… Those who are easily offended or grossed out, those who don’t like very graphically inappropriate scenes… THIS BOOK IS NOT FOR YOU!! But, if you want a good laugh, a VERY interesting concept and you don’t need things to be incredibly logical… Or at all logical.. WELCOME!

Synopsis

It’s difficult to love a woman whose vagina is a gateway to the world of the dead.

Steve is madly in love with his eccentric girlfriend, Stacy. Unfortunately, their sex life has been suffering as of late, because Steve is worried about the odd noises that have been coming from Stacy’s pubic region. She says that her vagina is haunted. She doesn’t think it’s that big of a deal. Steve, on the other hand, completely disagrees.

When a living corpse climbs out of her during an awkward night of sex, Stacy learns that her vagina is actually a doorway to another world. She persuades Steve to climb inside of her to explore this strange new place. But once inside, Steve finds it difficult to return… especially once he meets an oddly attractive woman named Fig, who lives within the lonely haunted world between Stacy’s legs.

Again. Yes. You read that right. This is a book about a woman who has a gateway to another world in her vagina, and she would like her boyfriend to climb up there and explore in for her. This is NOT a euphemism! I mean she wants him to unclothe, lube up, and crawl in there to find out what is haunting her womb. Didn’t I warn you that if you’re easily grossed out you may not want to read this?? How many ladies out there are crossing their legs right at this moment?? πŸ˜‰

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Excerpt

β€œWhere the heck are those noises coming from?” I asked Stacy one evening. She blinked herself awake. β€œHuh?”

β€œI hear voices. Coming from the walls,” I said.

β€œOh . . .” she said.

β€œI’m serious,” I said.

β€œThat’s not coming from the walls,” she said. β€œIt’s coming from me.” β€œFrom you?”

β€œFrom inside me,” she said, pulling off the covers and pointing at her crotch. I snorted at her.

β€œListen,” she said, pulling my head into her lap and pressing my ear against her vagina.

It was like listening to the ocean in a hairy flesh seashell.

β€œYou’re playing!” I said.

She giggled. It was all a joke.

But then I heard it . . . A voice, inside of her. I couldn’t understand the words. A woman crying, babbling in a deranged language. Then she screamed into my ear and I jumped out from between Stacy’s legs.

My girlfriend laughed at me, squinting her dark brown eyes.

β€œWhat the hell!” I screamed.

β€œTold you!” she said.

β€œWhat is that?”

β€œA ghost,” she said.

β€œWhat!”

β€œI’m haunted,” she said, touching her vagina and smiling.

β€œHow did a ghost get in there?”

β€œI don’t know,” she said. β€œIt’s been in there for a long time now.”

I will say that Stacy is very unlikable. She is whiny and demanding and eats her food strangely, but that’s ok, because we really only need her for her vagina anyway! (wow, never going to be able to say THAT ONE ever again!)

There are definitely moments that had me laughing. Maybe all the time I’ve spent in the city had me thinking of similar things happening to me. Like the description of Donut, the angry homeless man.

“Donut happened to be the worst of them. He was a stocky black guy with a bright orange sweater who strolled around Pioneer Square. He wouldn’t ask me for change outright. First, he would ask me if I had a problem with black people. I would say no. He would then ask me for money. Then I would give it to him, as if that was proof that I truly did not have a problem with black people. He would follow me for a block and ask for a little more. I would give him whatever I had, even a dollar or two. Then he’d ask for a little more. If I ever refused him, he would call me a racist.

He’d say, β€œOh, I see now, you’re a skinhead. Well, sieg heil, skinhead!” He’d continue yelling at me until I was two blocks away. β€œSieg Heil! Sieg Heil!”

Now, I know that I rated this a 5 on the WTF meter… But, it’s actually a well put together story for Bizarro. There have been some that I’ve read that are so nonsensical that they’re trying TOO hard to be bizarre! (those who have read bizarro before will probably understand what I mean). This story was completely bizzare while actually making a strange amount of sense and building a pretty good story! I would really recommend it to those brave enough to branch out and give bizarro a chance!

For Those Brave Enough… Click a Link Below to get a Copy for Yourself!!! SERIOUSLY!! DO IT!!

AMAZON U.S

AMAZON CANADA

AMAZON U.K

The Haunted Vagina is Best Served With

A Wet Pussy Shot

Well, you’re lucky that I’m giving you the recipe for this drink… As I don’t know what the Google God’s would send you to if you tried to look it up. So, you’re welcome. Ha ha! That is, if you were brave enough to read this review to begin with and you haven’t un-followed me by now!!

Ingredients

  • 1 Part Gin
  • 1 Part Vodka
  • 1 Part Peach Scnapps
  • 1 Part Coconut Rum
  • 1 Part Cranberry Juice

Directions

  1. Put all ingredients in a shaker of ice
  2. Shake to mix and chill well
  3. Pour into shot glasses
  4. CHEERS!!

54 thoughts on “The Haunted Vagina

    1. Ha ha! Well, at least this one has a proper story! (if you can call anything about this book “proper”) Lol! Some bizzaro is just COMPLETE nonsense! Or some is PURELY shock for shock value (have you ever read “Ass Goblins of Auschwitz??” I didn’t even think I could put up a review of that one… I would offend EVERYBODY!! And not even because of my opinions! Lol!) I haven’t read “the breast” is it any good?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I haven’t read anything in the ass goblin series…i get intimidated by the hoity toity books…. The breast is about a man physically turning into a giant breast from his perspective. It’s very odd but well writen.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. LMAO.
    Wow…. Welcome to the world of the weird and wonderful.
    That was very thoughtful of you to put the drink recipe on here πŸ˜‰
    Maybe not a book I’d pick up (though my curiosity is piqued) but you definitely win for best review of the day. I don’t think anything’s gonna top this one today!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ha ha ha!!! I was hoping for a little shock for shock factor myself!! Glad I didn’t scare you away! If you’re going to traverse into the world of the Bizarro, this definitely isn’t a bad one to start with. It’s gratuitous and offensive, but it’s not as crazy as some of them get! If you want an even slightly tamer one might I recommend “Shatnerquake”?? That one was too funny!! Feel free to check out my review https://thebookwormdrinketh.com/2017/11/28/welcome-to-shatnerquake/ I actually meant to add the link to this review. Lol!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Haha wow this sounds interesting to say the least. Will certainly remember this one (+ the cocktail ) if I want to suprise my friends again πŸ˜ƒ. ( The fools think I’m o so innocent)

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Make sure you ply it on your friends!! I just made one for my mom!! (I kid you not) HA HA HA!!! Imagine asking your mom “excuse me mother… would you like a wet pussy??” (no, that is NOT how our conversation went!! I made the drink for her without telling her and then she was killing herself laughing and blushing when I told her what it was… she’s very shy and couldn’t believe her daughter would know such a brazen drink. Lol!!!)

        Like

      2. Hahahaha that’s definetly how I would have approached it as well. Never tell people about strange stuff before they’ve admitted to liking it.πŸ˜†

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Now I know to put my food and drink down before reading your posts, hahahaha!!. This world is full of wonders… but look at that cute girl on the cover, I bet it is Fig. Oh! btw, recently there have been a lot of drink related books on NetGalley and right away I think about you πŸ˜€ ❀

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I will never know~ . Reading the ones you have would be the wise to do, but… here are the names: Beer Hacks, Brewing Eclectic IPA, Drinking Like Ladies, Absinthe and The Brew Your Own Big Book of Clone Recipes. πŸ˜›

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      2. O. M. G. I NEED DRINKING LIKE LADIES!! Lol!!! I’ve never learned how to do that!! Ha ha ha!!! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ I am totally putting in a request for that RIGHT NOW!! I love all of them, but I DEFINITELY need that one!!!

        Like

      1. I’ve just sent my husband the link to your post. He’s on a night shift with a bunch of blokes – thought they might enjoy a laugh. Might even suggest he buys it for the lols πŸ˜‚

        Liked by 1 person

      1. Ha ha ha ha!!! Oh the teeth!! I’ll never get that one out of my brain! That’s the 1st thing I thought of too! No teeth. Just a gateway she gets her boyfriend to lube up and crawl into… All perfectly natural! πŸ˜‰

        Liked by 1 person

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